Sister Wives
by pigowl05
Summary: What do Arizona, Mark and the show Sister Wives have in common?


Disclaimer: All television shows, books, movies, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work and the characters, events, and settings thereof are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

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><p>AN: I wrote this story in October and posted it on Livejournal. But I finally figured out how to post here. So, ENJOY THE MADNESS! As per usual, thanks to Alida and Becca. This was the story that started the madness and without those two I would have never written it.

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><p>"Wakey wakey."<p>

"No."

"Come on. We made bacon." Came a deep male reply.

Arizona whipped up and pulled herself against the headboard to look around her. Sitting next to her was Teddy, April, Lexie, and Mark. Blue eyes trained on Mark.

"Why in the hell are you in my bed?"

Mark chuckled, "So three women are okay in your bed, but not me? I'm hurt, Blondie."

Arizona brought her hand slowly to her face in an attempt to stall the headache forming. The feeling of a freight train running her over was only intensified by the presence of the four people. Her brain raced in an attempt to remember why they would be there. All it hit was a wall made of concrete, reinforced with steel. A soft nudge brought Arizona out of her thoughts. Slowly, she turned to face April, who was holding a glass of water and two pills.

"Wow, you really don't remember anything, do you, Dr. Robbins?"

"April, you're in my bed for whatever reason, but I do believe that puts us on first name basis."

She took the pills and water and downed them in a instant. A thought suddenly hit her.

"Where are Callie and Sofia?"

Lexie decided to take on that question.

"Well, you asked Callie to take Sofia out so we could have some bonding time. "

"Oh, Lexie. Don't you think we have bonded well enough? I mean after last night, I would say we are iron tight."

Arizona whipped around back toward Mark and grabbed his ear.

"Sloan, you have 30 seconds to tell me what the hell you are going on about or I swear, Sofia will never get a sibling from Lexie and you, ever."

"Owww. Seriously, get off."

"Arizona…" Teddy began.

Arizona turned to Teddy with her death grip on Mark's ear still in place.

"Please explain what the manwhore is trying to say. I have a headache the size of Alaska and don't feel like playing a game with him."

"Hey!"

Teddy approached Arizona and laid her hand on her shoulder. She slowly sat down next to Mark. She slowly placed her unused hand on Mark's thigh and sighed.

"Well, sweetie. You actually have to get used to Mark's man-whorish humor from now on."

"Seriously, I'm not a man whore."

Four pairs of eyes trained on him.

"Not anymore."

Teddy sighed and turned back to Arizona.

"Arizona, what we…"

"Wait," Lexie cut in. "You might be more of a manwhore now that you have 4 wives. In fact, that makes you like, triple the manwhore."

"Lexie." Teddy tried to regain control over the turn of events.

"Hold on." cut in April. "If he's a manwhore, then what does that make us? Slu…"

"If you call me a slut, so help me I will put you on my rounds and demote you to diaper duty. And we aren't talking simple pee diapers. Oh, no. I promise full blown blow out diapers. The kind that require a scrub change when you're done. So do you wish to finish that question?"

"No. No, I don't." April answered meekly.

"April, Lexie. I have an amazing idea: SHUT UP! Now, look. As I was saying…" Teddy tried again.

"HOLD ON!"

Now all eyes were on Arizona as she gulped air in and out, resembling a blonde-haired, blue-eyed fish out of water.

"4 wives? Who is stupid enough to marry Mark? And 4...I'm 99% sure it's illegal. And why the hell am I included in that list? What the hell is going on?"

"Polygamy." Chimed in Lexie. "It's called polygamy. Being married to more then one wife. It's actually Greek and... you didn't want to know that, did you?"

"Lexie," Arizona drawled. "For someone so smart sometimes you make me wonder, what the fuck is the hamster in your head smoking?"

"You know, Blondie. I generally like my wives with dirty mouths, but this isn't the time or place. I'm no…"

The rest was cut off as Arizona grabbed Mark by the hand and twisted his arm behind his back. He grunted loudly as she applied her weight to his back. She leaned to his ear slightly applying more pressure.

"Speak those words again and only Jimmy Hoffa will be able to find you."

"Okay." came the meek reply.

"Now," she stated looking around. "Who wants to explain what is going on?"

April slowly moved behind Lexie who was retreating behind Teddy. Suddenly Teddy went from one head to three as they looked over her shoulders.

"Really, guys? See, this is why you are numbers 3 and 4. We can't trust you to stand up for anything. April, go get the book." Teddy ordered.

Mark began to sweat as Arizona kept the steady pressure on his arm. He tried to wiggle free, but stopped when more pressure, not less, was applied.

"Owww."

"Mark, my father was a Marine colonel, Remember? I am also married to a Ortho-God. Do you want to guess what all that together equals?"

"You are a princess?" Mark suggested.

"No, it means I know exactly how much pressure and how to apply it before your arm breaks. So, let's grow a pair, shall we?"

"Maybe, don't break his arm. That would be an interesting story." Lexie suggested.

"How so?" Came Arizona's neutral answer

"Well, if you break your husband's arm, then the police…ahhh."

Lexie ran to the other side of the room as Arizona made a mad dash toward her. She had almost managed to grab onto Lexie's shirt when she was thrust back against Teddy. Arizona looked at her friend before continuing to struggle as April returned to the bedroom with a photo album in hand. She promptly returned to her spot behind Teddy. Mark decided it would be wise also to hide behind Teddy.

"Arizona, sit down or so help me God, I will sit you down."

Arizona peered at Teddy and stopped struggling. Teddy never used her command voice unless the situation warranted it. Clearly, they had reached that point.

"You have 30 seconds before I take all of you out. Starting with Kepner."

April released a small squeak and ducked farther behind Teddy.

"Okay. Calm down, Rambo. Last night, we all went out to celebrate at Joe's in honor of your department's grant. "

"I remember that."

"Good. Just making sure we're on the same page. Well, after a few shots…"

"A few? A few bottles, maybe." Mark added with a smirk.

"Shut it, Mark. I'm trying to explain."

"Well explain right and I won't need to add my commentary."

"Anyway, we drank and celebrated. Well, you got this crazy idea that you wanted to live like the Sister Wives."

"I wanted to do what?"

"You know, the Sister Wives. 4 women and 1 man. Anyway, we tried to talk you out of it, but when you drink, you get bossy."

"Really bossy. Like control freak."

"Kepner, call me that one more time. "

"I thought we were on a first name basis?"

"Revoked. Now, 15 seconds, Teddy."

"Okay, okay. You actually wanted more then one wife but dumbass here," Teddy pointed behind herself toward Mark. "Figured if HE married you and us then you could have your extra wives. Anyway, we all got married because you really, and I mean really, wanted it."

April approached Arizona as one would approach a tiger at the zoo and handed her the album. Arizona slowly opened the album and began to flip through it.

"I…I…"

The pages where filled with photos of all the girls in dresses, while Mark wore a simple black tux, posing and laughing. One had Mark with two girls on each side and a smirk plastered on his face. The next was April on the floor with Arizona laughing and pointing. Callie, Teddy, and Lexie attempted a conga line in a series of pictures. The page had two new women in the group. One was wearing a red sweater and holding a small bushel of flowers. The other was wearing a pair of sweats and a bikini top. She held a Bible and everyone was looking at her with great interest.

"Who the hell are those two?"

"Oh." Mark peered over Teddy's shoulder. "That's Becca and Alida. Becca, the one in the bikini, preformed the service. Alida, the one in red, was the witness. Very nice ladies."

"They really were. Alida was super nice and funny. She had a wicked sense of humor. In fact, she was really excited to witness the wedding. Something about you only read this stories, or something." April explained.

"And Becca was a stripper." Lexie added.

Blue eyes trained on Lexie.

"A STRIPPER?"

"Well, she got clothed for the wedding. And she did it for like 10 bucks. We bumped into her and the thought process was stripper, ordained, perfect. She was nice and down to earth."

Arizona chuckled and threw the book on the bed. April and Lexie jumped and ducked in fear. She placed her head in her hands and drew in a deep breath.

"You have got to be kidding me. You mean to tell me I got married, again might I add, to you four? One of whom is a man? And not only did I get married, it was performed by a stripper and in front of a stranger? Next you are going to tell me we are all gonna have little Sloans. This is a joke. A sad, sad joke."

"Actually, it's payback."

Everyone turned to find Callie standing in the doorway with her arms crossed. She stepped inside the door and smirked.

"Teddy, Lexie, April, Mark, good job. I'd say I got my enjoyment out of this event."

Teddy approached Callie first and held out her hand.

"Extra 20 because I had to make sure Tweedle Dee and Dum didn't ruin it."

"Hey!" Lexie exclaimed.

"Which one is Dee?"

"Really, April!"

Callie chucked as she laid an extra 20 in Teddy's palm. April and Lexie were next. As Callie handed them their money, they shook their heads and declined it.

"Just promise Arizona isn't going to kill us in our sleep."

"Or give me full blow outs."

Arizona looked at them and smirked.

"Oh, no one can help you. Plus, I know where both of you live."

Before Callie could process it, April and Lexie were pushing her out of the way and rushing the door. Mark stood in front of Callie and stuck his hand out. He received a high five in place of the money he was expecting.

"What gives, Torres? I got abused and everything. You owe me big, like monster big."

"How about I promise that Arizona will not kill you in the near future? Also there is a bottle of Jose on the counter with your name on it."

Mark turned toward Arizona and back to Callie. He nodded and made his way toward the door, grabbing the bottle from the counter, and joined the others outside, leaving the two alone.

"You had them get me drunk, had me wake up with them, and listen to them tell me I was married to Mark, MARK, all for pay back?"

"You ruined my jacket."

Arizona racked her brain to remember the event in question. It fell short.

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did. Cristina told me the rip on the bottom was from when you were wearing it around. Which, I don't mind you wearing my clothes but to rip it? That jacket was expensive."

"Callie, I have never worn that jacket. I swear on all we know."

"Well, when we were drinking Cristina told me you ha…ohh."

Arizona raised an eyebrow and took in the look of confusion followed by the look of recognition.

"You never wore my jacket…"

"Nope."

"But Cristina said you had…"

"So it seems."

"And she was lying."

"Ding. Ding. We have a winner. Now, Callie. Please call Cristina."

"Why?"

"To let her know you will be occupying her couch for the night."

"Oh, Cristina is sooo dead." Callie muttered as she entered the kitchen and retrieved a bottle of wine.


End file.
